Dear Dr. Becky

Dr. Becky Letter Submissions 

1. Submit your letter to: DearDr.Becky@gmail.com

2. Limit the words to 300.

3. Ask one or two clearly defined questions at the end of your letter.

4. Keep the letter anonymous.(we wont show or use your email address in any way without explicit permission)

5. Letters will be answered via video at Youtube (Insert URL link to youtube channel)

6. Letter topics can consist of a broad spectrum of issues

7. You will be notified when a video is produced answering your letter.

8. Letter submitted becomes the ownership of Dr. Becky and will be edited if needed.

Example Letters

I have something in the back of my mind that keeps bothering me and I wish I could just erase it from my mind. I have been separated for the past four years. I was married to my wife for ten years. She was my high school sweetheart but now everything has ended. Together we have two wonderful boys. She was always a great mother until we separated. From day one we separated, it was like she detached from my boys as well. It really bothers me that she is not a mother to them anymore. To be honest with you I feel like we do not need her in our lives! My boy’s are now twelve and eight  and they live with me. They don’t mention him her at all. We lived close to her for years but never heard from her, so we moved to another state about 900 miles away. I do not mind ever hearing from her again. My question is how do you forget about the most precious and valuable things in life?-------TRYING TO FORGET

Dear Dr. Becky:

I just turned 17 year old. My boyfriend, "Drew" and I have been together for two years. He is the first boyfriend I have ever had. He asked me to marry him after we had been going out for 3 months and I said yes. He had hinted about asking previously but I had not responded because I didn’t want to hurt him. I care about him very much. I have family and friends telling me that I am young and need to take my time.  I did tell him that I wanted to take it slowly since I am so young and he is only 18.  Drew tells me if I break up with him to date other guys, he will never date me again. Becca, I want to make sure he is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. I really do feel too young to be engaged or married but I love Drew greatly. I scared of losing him or breaking his heart. I don’t want to destroy this relationship. What can I do to help myself know that I have found my true love? -- STUCK IN LOVE

Due to the volume of letters received, Dr. Becky is not able to answer all letters. If you are currently experiencing a crisis and need immediate assistance please call 911. If you are experiencing emotional distress and need a counselor, call the free hotline to locate a counselor near you: 1-800-THERAPIST (1-800-843-7284) 

Becky Wolery

I wear many hats just as you all do. I am a psychologist. I am a counselor. I am an educator. I am a crisis worker. I am an interventionist. I am a writer. I am a lover of family. I am a lover of people. I am a lover of life! My great passion is to bring healing to individuals who struggle with difficult experiences or relationships in their lives. I strive to help individuals and families discover valuable insights and deeper understanding which leads to healthier perceptions and strengthen their self-identity and important relationships in their lives. My desire is to help individuals achieve their full potential and find self-fulfillment in their life’s journey.  

My educational background includes a Doctorate in Applied Psychology from California Southern University. I have a Masters in Social Work from Northwest Nazarene University in Idaho and a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and Health from Eastern Oregon University in Oregon. I am a licensed Psychological Service Extender(PSE) and also a licensed Clinical Social Worker(LCSW). I am also a member of  many organizations including: Co-chair: Crisis Intervention Team (CIT), RDC Youth Committee, CISM (Crisis Intervention Stress Management) Team Member, Idaho Psychology Association, Idaho Social Workers Associations, and Psychology Today.

I have presented on various topics over the course of my educational and working career like; 

• Mental Health Topics:  Finding Peace in Adversity, Understanding & Managing Depression, The Anxiety and Stress response, Intervening with Psychosis, Neurophysiology of Bliss, Breaking the abuse Cycle
• Marriage Presentations: Healthy Communication, Trust in Relationships, Active Listening Skills, Conflict Resolution 101, Effective & Happy Parenting
• Business Presentations: Effective Communication in the Workplace, Self-Care for the Professional, Conflict Resolution, Death by Powerpoint
• Crsis Presentations: Suicide Prevention, Crisis Cycle, Personality Disorders, De-escalation with patients in E.R., Caregivers Crisis Response
• College Classes: Psychology, Social Work, Health, Fitness Courses

To Change or Not to Change

  I love this quote by C.S. Lewis, “It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.”  This quote reminds us of several important truths including: 1) Change is difficult 2) Change can be good or bad. 3) Change will occur whether we want it to or not 3) We can influence the type of change we want.  We can effect change in our personal or professional lives for the better or for the worse. This knowledge is powerful, but we have to act on it.  How ready are you to act on making change? 

         Prochaska and DiClemente (2007) recognized that individuals go through a process when changing various behaviors. They created a five stage model of change to assist individuals in overcoming problem behaviors and making positive life changes. The five stages of change they identified are precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. They  involve the following:

1)      Precontemplation is the stage at which there is no intention to change behavior in the foreseeable future. Many individuals in this stage are unaware of their problems.

2)      Contemplation is the stage in which people are aware that a problem exists and are seriously thinking about overcoming it but have not yet made a commitment to take action. 

3)      Preparation is a stage that combines intention and behavioral criteria. Individuals in this stage are intending to take action in the next month and have unsuccessfully taken action in the past.

4)      Action is the stage in which individuals modify their behavior, experiences, or environment in order to overcome their problems. Action involves the most overt behavioral changes and requires considerable commitment of time and energy.

5)      Maintenance is the stage in which people work to prevent going back into old habits and consolidate the gains attained during action. 

       This model can help you identify your current progress and provide direction for future progress on whatever changes you would like to make in your life, whether that is being more grateful, overcoming a bad habit, or building new skills.

Prochaska, JO; DiClemente, CC. Stages of change in the modification of problem behaviors. Prog Behav Modif 1992;28:183–218.

Positive Coping Skills

POSITIVE COPING SKILLS

1) Write or Draw

2) Talk about it

3) Exercising

4) Positive self-talk and positive, affirming statements

5) Do something for yourself

6) Serve/ Help others

7) Strive for balance in your life

8) Distraction

9) Focus on one good thing

10) Lean on your support system

11) Ask yourself questions and confront feelings

12) Think of “cleaning out the closet”

13) Yoga

14) Visualization (Such as going to the beautiful cottage or beach) or meditation

15) Faith-Prayer